In the Blog
“Have you put on weight, like on your lips?”
I mostly stay out of the cosmetics world. I’m much happier that way, it keeps mah rage down. But I recently decided to go and pick up a really really red lipstick. Because I wanted to.
So I went to Sephora to see what was on offer. And now I am on their mailing list. Which is good, because now I don’t ever have to source out why the beauty industry is a big stinky behemoth of destruction, the info comes to me. In a meticulously laid out e-newsletter. Fish in a barrel.
And this one’s so easy, I’m not even going to break it down. I’m just going to put it out there and let it shame itself. How do you start the year off right with Sephora? Observe, in particular, number 3:
Top 7 Beauty Resolutions 1. I will treat my hair right 2. I will use SPF every day 3. I will lose weight 4. I will try a new fragrance 5. I will wash my face every night 6. I will organize my mess 7. I will be more adventurous
Not complete of course, without the visual of an actual product they’re pushing to help you accomplish this:
sephora.com promotional materials
And they’re even serious. It is a weight loss lip gloss. (For all over, not just to make your lips look skinny like I confusingly thought when I first saw the picture). This is the product description from the Sephora.com website. I think we missed the exit for tongue-in-cheek irony a few enthusiastic descriptions ago:
What it does: Quench your thirst for a beauty buzz with FUZE Slenderize Guilt Free Gloss. Infused with the healthy, delicious fruit flavors and appetite curbing energy boasting ingredients found in FUZE Slenderize beverages. One Delicious dab on the lips will give you a taste of what all the Hollywood starlets are losing it over! Always on the lips, never on the hips!
EW. Ewity ew ew ew.