In the Blog
The Yogurt Wars
I’m pretty sure probiotics do good things for your digestion. Prebiotics too (prebiotics are the new probiotics, after all). But man do I dislike being “challenged” by my food.
It must be exhausting to keep track of what all your foods are telling you to do. Only 4 days left to go on your dare with Metamucil. Wearing a red dress to show Becel you care about women’s heart health.*
And now keeping track of where you are in your “30-day challenge” from any one of three (or more) different yogurt companies. Challenges that go along with what I’m less than affectionately calling “The Yogurt Wars”.
You know the brands — Yoptimal Immuni+ vs Astro BioBest Vitalite vs Danone Activia.
Where did these all come from? And why are they suddenly all over my tv? How did these stupid candy yogurts become the next big health and weightloss food, targeted at women?
Yoptimal has a tiny hovering man who holds your umbrella for you. I think Danone is the one where you dance around in a beige outfit. BioBest Vitalite makes yellow swirl around your midriff while your friend looks on in envy.
(And can we take a minute to ask why this beeyotch doesn’t offer her friend any? “What is that?” Obviously she’s hungry you nitwit. You both just got back from the gym, toss her a yogurt for pity’s sake…)
Sure, advertising exaggerates and is, for the most part, ridiculous. But. come. on. It’s yogurt. And suddenly I’m hearing about it all the time. More than that, it’s calling me out. I’m getting glove-slapped by yogurt? I don’t take that from dairy (if you can call this junk dairy).
Take the challenge. Try it for 30-days. Pre AND Probiotics! Look at the abs you’re going to get!
Are any of these brands even organic? Local? Fresh? Or are the pre and probiotics buried under the layers of gunk added to make them internationally shippable?
Maybe it’s a good idea to eat yogurt on occasion, but not by the time these chuckleheads are done with it.
Do you know what is good?
Yogurt. How about just yogurt? Straight up. Even (especially) gasp without copyrighted, patented, “TriActiv+ PRO REGULATTE”. Yogurt that’s organic. Made near where you live. Packaged in a responsible way.
Feeling daring? Add a little fresh fruit. Maybe some honey. Be old skool. Eat real food.
*Read the very fine print on that commercial and notice how, despite appearances, the Heart and Stroke Foundation does not endorse Becel: “Acceptance of financial support by the Heart and Stroke Foundation does not constitute an endorsement.”