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Advice: My parents are spying on me!
My parents are super nosey and it’s driving me crazy! A week ago I caught my mother going through my bag, and I think my dad has been listening in on my phone conversations. How do I stop them? I have nothing to hide, but I want them to respect my privacy.
Did you know that the right to privacy is a universal human right? It’s protected under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. I tell you this because I think it’s important to recognize that privacy is essential to a person’s sense of happiness and security. It’s something you shouldn’t have to live without.
Many of the parenting books I’ve been reading frame privacy as a “teen issue,” which I think is bogus. Everyone needs privacy. A lot of parents have difficulty accepting their children as equals with thoughts, concerns and boundaries that deserve respect and consideration. This is a struggle many of us have, no matter how old we get.
Having said that, just asserting your right to privacy won’t get you very far. Parents often respond by asserting their own rights — as your parents and as the owners of the house and blah, blah, blah.
What you need to know is that parents snoop for two reasons: either they think you’re in trouble or they feel disconnected from your life and want to know what’s going on. The only way I can think of to alleviate these concerns is to talk to them. This is a situation where you will be challenged to act with compassion, understanding, patience and maturity.
I recommend starting with something like, “Mom, Dad, I’ve noticed you searching through my bag and listening to my phone conversations. What are you looking for?”
You could also try, “Are you worried I’m in some kind of trouble? What kind of trouble do you think I’m in? If I were in trouble, how would you like me to handle it? How would you handle it?” Your goal in this conversation is to listen, demonstrate you understand their concerns and reassure them that you are okay. Let them know that if you are ever in trouble, they will be the first to know.
Chances are, they’re just wondering what you do in your room all day. Personally, I don’t get the big mystery — you’re hanging out, listening to music, chatting online, doing homework, thinking, talking to your friends, etc.
If they aren’t satisfied by your conversation, you’ll have to adopt some long-term measures. Offer to talk to them regularly so they can feel involved. Introduce them to your friends, or your friends’ parents. Suggest spending time together. Let them know you’re willing to include them, but that your privacy is something they will have to respect.
I think if you’ve made a genuine effort to reason and communicate with your parents, you’ve done your part. There’s no point in arguing with someone who has already decided things are not negotiable. Stash your stuff. Live your life. And be prepared to welcome your parents when they’re ready.
Why are fair trade products so expensive? How can I make a difference without spending too much?
It’s hard to be a conscientious consumer. The majority of the products we enjoy, from sneakers to coffee, are made in developing countries where nearly everything is produced under sweatshop-like conditions with few labour laws, low wages and sometimes abusive conditions.
In contrast, fair trade member organizations buy from small producers who pay their workers fair wages and generally employ methods of production that are environmentally friendly and sustainable. Some fair trade members also provide financial and technical support to local producers. This can take the form of loans, training and education programs. Most importantly, fair trade businesses return a quarter to a third of their profits back to the producers in developing countries.
Fair trade products are often more expensive because of these added costs. But it could also be argued that the higher price of fair trade products reflects the “real” cost of production — costs that many large corporations cut out of workers’ salaries or benefits.
The main fair trade products available in Canada are coffee, tea, chocolate and cocoa, which are available in health food stores and some grocery stores. Many items carry a “fair trade certified” logo, making it easier to find them on the shelves (see the logo at www.transfair.ca).
If you’re looking for gift items, Ten Thousand Villages sells fair trade handicrafts (jewellery, toys, incense and furniture) from indigenous artists on its website at www.villages.ca and in stores across Canada. Even some big-name companies (such as Starbucks and The Body Shop) stock some fair trade products.
As a conscientious consumer, you may also want to consider other equally important issues, such as buying items that are GMO-free (see Stir It Up, page 15), certified organic, not tested on animals, sweatshop-free, union-made and so on. Being fully aware of all these things is not easy. I still think it’s worthwhile to be informed; just bear in mind that no one can sustain a totally conscientious lifestyle.
For myself, I aspire to consume only what I need and buy only things that I love. I am not always successful in these aspirations. Reducing my consumption levels is a major challenge, but I think this is where not having a lot of money has been a blessing. It’s forced me to really think about what I need, what I want, and how to make the best of what I have.
In the end, maybe making a difference doesn’t have to be about how you spend your money, but about how you don’t.
